Random Thoughts

Last night...i went to bed at 2:30 in the morning. Today I had every intention of sleeping in. At about 9:10 the doorbell rang followed by a loud pounding on the door. No one appeared to be running to answer it. I got up, peaked out my window and saw it was some guys from the city. Figured I better answer it. They were dropping off a trailer cuz we are pulling up a bunch of trees in our yard. *sigh* So my mom shows up and I went back to bed. My cousin pulled up and my mom started talking to her. I was laying back in bed, being upset about being woke up and trying to go back to sleep when the phone rang. Again, no one running to answer the phone. So i sigh and get out of bed. It's my Aunt. I talked to her for a few moments and then went back to bed again. At this point, it was a lost cause. I have to be pretty tired to fall asleep ever because my brain never wants to stop. So I surrendered and decided to let myself do some thinking. Not sure it was a good idea, but here is what I was thinking about:

-Havent heard back from the census, guess I didnt get that job. Which probably means that I will be unemployed this summer.

-Gee, I sure wish i had some health insurance (i think this probably 4-5 times a day! haha)

-In just 3 days I will have been home from my mission for 5 months. That's WEIRD!!

-I can't believe my little sister is old enough to have actually graduated from high school yesterday. That just does not seem possible!

-I really need to start going to the gym. I have lots of free time now so it would be a good time to try to get back into shape.

-I'm actually kinda sad that there is only one more week of Glee left until the end of the seasion. Good thing I have some new shows to keep my occupied.

-I think i could be happy being a teacher after all. Maybe i'll just graduate in El Ed and call it good! Or maybe this is the side of me talking that just really wants to not pay for any more school! haha

-What should i have for breakfast?

-I really should clean off my vanity today. It's totally useless while all this stuff is piled on it

WOAH! I just remembered my dream! I was back at my old apartment in Logan, but I didnt live there anymore. But my room was still empty, just like I left it. I could hear someone back in Blaire's old room so I went back there to see if it was Blaire. There were 3 new girls in my apartment and they were like "Are you our 4th roommate?" and i said "No, but I used to live here" We started talking and they were like "We really want you to move in with us. Here is our number if you change your mind". And for some reason I promised these random girls that I had just met that I would come and visit them! Then it jumps to me mowing my grandparents lawn. Wow, weird ...what is that supposed to mean? Maybe i dreamed that because my friend Brian came home from his mission last night and I was suddenly sad that I wasn't going to be in Logan in the fall. But part of being a grown-up is moving on and doing new things, right?

Well..I think i've rambled long enough. Maybe i'll try one last time to go back to sleep because i'm pretty sure if I dont, my contemplative mood will take over my day. Me and my cute sister-in-law were talking yesterday about how some days you just wake up and feel weird! You cant really explain what's wrong or why you're having an off day. You just are. Little did I know yesterday as I discussed it with Mary..that today would be one of those days. haha

oh my CUTE!!

Hey guys, one last post about my sister-in-laws giveaways. I just want more entries cuz she has some really amazing stuff! My favorite thing is a really cute name sign! This girl is so talented that I might just buy one from her if I dont win. Check it out! Maryeclev.blogspot.com!

Mary Elizabeth Photography!

I just wanted to give a shout out to my CUTE sister-in-law. She is SO amazing with photography. She has done a ton of shoot for me and I am always amazing with the results. She has reasonable pricing and does a fantastic job! And guess what? You can win a free photoshoot with her right now!! just go to maryeclev.blogspot.com! But the giveaway ends soon so DONT wait! You wont be sorry.

GIVE AWAY!!

Hey Gals! I just wanted to let everyone know about my sister-in-laws AMAZING giveaways that she is doing this week. I get extra entries if I post about it on my blog. So check out the lip gloss giveaway that is ending soon!!

The End of Semester Blues!!

Well, it's happened again. The end of semester is coming, as it always does, and I have the "end of semester blues". I'm crazy busy with projects and papers and finals coming up. However, this is not what has got me down. It's the fact that another chapter of my life is coming to a close. After this semester, I will be leaving Logan and Utah State behind. I'll most likely be doing my student teaching in Salt Lake. So that means that the chances of me returning to Logan are slim. I know what all of you are thinking. I always complain about Logan and being away from everyone and how glad I will be to move home. While it's true that I will be glad to be back in my favorite city again for the summer, I cant help but feel a little sad. I remember a time in my life when my heart had been shattered into a million pieces. I needed something to really hold on to. As i contemplated what to do, I decided that I would move down to UVU (in Orem). As much as I hate to admit this, it was mostly for a boy. I needed to get away from Salt Lake and away from memories and there was a guy that I liked down there that I had dated in the past and we had reconnected. I thought it was going to be the best thing for me. Luckily, Heavenly Father had other plans for me. One of my best friends Heather was going through a pretty bad break up too and she had decided to go to Utah State. She told me I should think about going. When I graduated high school, Utah State had been my first choice for college but since they didnt have a very good nursing program, I had to rule it out. Since my major had since changed, I checked into Utah State's Elementary Education program. I found out it was one of the top programs in the country! The very next day (I kid you not!!) I get a postcard from Utah State. I had never gotten anything from them in the mail. It read "Thinking of transferring here?" How did they know!? haha So i prayed and prayed about what I should do. Finally after weeks of agonizing about where I should go, the answer came clear as a bell. I needed to go to Utah State. My first semester at Utah State was rough. I remember nights when I would call my mom, sobbing, telling her how of I wanted to come home. My heart was still broken and it didn't feel like Logan was the glue that I had thought it would be that would fix it. About a month into my first semester at Utah State, I was in the midst of one of my many breakdowns and was talking to my mom on the phone. She said to me "I'm sick of this. You need to pull yourself together or you're coming home. You can come home and be miserable here for free." At the time, that was hard to hear. But I can't tell you how grateful I am for my mom's tough love!! I know that was hard for her, but she knew what was best for me. That was the beginning of the end. The end of the heartache and hurt. I knew my mom was right. So i started to get more involved. I grew to love my roommates and made amazing friends in my ward and in my classes. All the pain that I had brought with me from Salt Lake seemed to disappear. It was then that I knew that the Lord had been directing my path all along. He knew I needed to be in Logan. He knew what people to put into my life. And so, I began to heal and become the person that I am today. I am so much stronger and more confident in myself. Because of the influence of some of my friends at Utah State, I served a full-time mission. This was the best decision of my life and has forever changed me. I will never be the same and I will never be that same meek and defenseless girl that I was when I first arrived in Logan. And so, for this reason, I feel a little sad to leave this place. This is where I found myself. This is where my journey really began. Logan...you're been good to me. And I'll take the lessons that I learned here with me for the rest of my life.

I finally felt like writing again!!

Well, here I am…back in the blogging community once again. I made this blog about a month ago and I am just now getting around the writing on it! I hope this isn’t any indication of how frequent of a blogger I’ll be. I really used to enjoy blogging before my mission. My mom was asking me the other day what the point of a blog is. I told her about how it helps me to stay caught up with people and know what’s going on in their lives. Her response? “Well, it’s no one’s’ business what you a doing!”. I laughed. Then I realized that there is a much larger reason why I used to enjoy blogging and that is that it was for me. It was something that I used to do when I was feeling like I had too many things going on in my head. It was a way that I could let some of the many thoughts floating around in my head spill out onto paper. It was a great way to clear my mind. Well today, I had a lot of things going on in my mind. The first thing I am thinking about is my mission. However, if I am being honest, this isn’t rare. I think about my mission every day of my life. Oh how I loved being a missionary and how I long to just shout the truthfulness of the gospel from the roof tops! I know how Alma felt when he declared “O that I were an angel and could have the wish of mine heart”. But today, the reason I am thinking about my mission is because I went to a missionary homecoming talk today. It stirred up so many feelings. As I listened to my friend speak of all the miracles that he experienced on his mission, I couldn’t help but remember all the miracles the Lord allowed me to be a part of when I was on my mission. I have also been thinking a lot about my future. This has been troubling me for some time now. I finally asked my dad to give me a blessing the other night because I was just looking for some peace. The blessing gave me a lot of direction! Now, I am certain of a few things. It is a good thing for me to finish my Elementary Education degree. It is a good thing for me to go to SUU in the fall. And finally it is a good thing to “become proficient in the Spanish Language”. How these three things all fit together, I don’t know. I have an uneasy feeling about what is in store for me. I think this is due to my inability to make decisions. I feel like even when I get answers to my prayers, I question those answers and talk my way around them until I’ve convinced myself that it never was an answer in the first place! I just hope I can figure out what it is the Lord wants me to do because that is really all that matters to me. Well hopefully all my of blog posts won’t be this serious. I just have felt in a somber mood the last little while and thought that if I were to express it, perhaps it might dispel it.